Recently, someone came to me because they were distressed about an issue that questioned leadership. Instead of being upset about the incident, I felt good that the person had the good sense to fill me in on what happened. Many times as leaders, we can be perceived as "unapproachable" or "unchallengeable" (Not a word, but it works). If people are afraid to have a dialogue with you as a leader, that could be a problem. Check out these simple rules of engagement that can help boost everyones effectiveness:
If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
If I have a problem with you, I'll come to you (privately).
If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I'll do the same for you.)
If someone consistently will not come to me, say, "Let's go to the leader together. I am sure he(she) will see us about this." (I will do the same for you.)
Be careful how you interpret me—I'd rather do that. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
I will be careful how I interpret you.
If it's confidential, don't tell. (This especially applies to board meetings.) If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless (a) the person is going to harm himself/herself, (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else, (c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. I will not talk "at" you hypothetically in general terms in meetings. I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (he does it better anyway).
When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked. We are a family here and we care about each other, so if you have a concern, pray, and then (if led) speak up. If I can answer it without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.
While these anecdotes have not eliminated every problem, the principles have provided a strong foundation for loving, Christlike communication. Praise Yahvah.
1 comment:
Don't forget L.O.V.E. As believers if our interactions have love in it, where we love each other despite of what we've done to each other, we will have effective communication. If there is a lack of love, then all sorts of drama can take place; which wouldn't happen when people cause love and peace to rein. TURN that cheek folks and continue to deny self each and each day, hour and minute!
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